Some stuff that I saw on TV today and some things I read in some blog have triggered me around the birth experience. I wanted to have a natural med-free birth... actually I wanted an at home water birth. That didn't happen. I had an emergency c-section and I was under general anaesthetic.
I feel like I've missed out on "giving birth" because I didn't get to push my baby out.
And don't even get me started on how I feel about being asleep when she was born, or that my partner couldn't be in the room, or that we didn't have skin to skin right away.
I wanted to bring her into the world gently and calmly.
I talk about this a lot in therapy. And I am starting to feel like I want to - need to - just let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. See the big picture. Healthy happy baby. Family. My family.