Sunday, October 5, 2008

I will ask for help.

Today is a better day. A went to work in the morning. C slept later than typical, which allowed me to sleep later than typical. Then C and I went for coffee (I had the coffee, she had goats milk in a sippy) and breakfast. Then we spent some money and bought a few necessities. Now she is napping and I've been able to start some laundry and put the trash and recycling out.

Re: yesterday, as the day went on A and I talked. I am going to ask for help more.

Here is the thing about A: she is one of those in the moment people. She is so easy going. She doesn't dwell on yesterday, she is not planning tomorrow, she is just here right now in the moment. And she manages to get her sh*t done. She is grounded and easy. She has always been this way and she has gotten even more mellow with age. This is what attracted me to her in the first place. I, on the other hand, am not mellow and in the moment. I wouldn't say that I am the exact opposite. And I have to say that I can be mellow about certain things. I've certainly developed the ability to be more and more present over the years. But being anxious is a coping mechanism of sorts for me. I stress. I worry. I plan. I write lists.

I don't know.

I do know this though - I said it yesterday and I will say it again today - I do not want C to experience the tension I experienced growing up.

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