Wednesday I was walking along with C who was pushing her doll baby in a doll baby stroller. I felt this huge wave of love. I felt content and whole and grateful. I decided then and there that whether we have baby #2 or not doesn't matter. I smiled at the sunshine and my almost 21 month old and everything around us.
Thursday I call the clinic to see what the doctor had to say about the cancelled cycle. The clinic actually advised me to make this phone call Monday (which was the Monday that followed the Friday on which the cycle was cancelled). It took me until Thursday to actually feel like making the call. The doctor hadn't been able to look at my chart and I will likely from someone early next week (okay fine). Then I made the mistake of talking with the nurse about the cycle and the bloodwork and dropping estradiol, etc etc etc. She told me she thought my "ovaries are old." Exact words.
Thursday night I was spinning and googling "old ovaries." The Wednesday zen space just kind of vanished.
I am spinning way less today. But "old ovaries"?! Who says that?!