Okay so I am all hopped up on fertility drugs and then the cycle is cancelled and that's it. I am sure that I am ovulating or something today. Maybe not with amazing get pregnant eggs. But something is going on down there in there because I am feeling the mittelschmerz.
Also I have this great desire to craft and create. On Friday/Saturday I really wanted to sew something. I didn't have the chance. My sewing machine is packed away because we are moving at the end of August and we are packing now(?) in May... June. I want to make C a smock for when she colours and paints. Today I am all about making my own deodorant*.
I realised in my great desire to craft and create that I almost always felt this way when a cycle was cancelled or a BFN was had when making C.
Maybe it is psychological. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe my body was gearing up to craft and create new life and when it didn't/ couldn't/ wouldn't then the energy of that intention was left kind of hanging there, you know?
Anyway, in general I am feeling okay. Partner A and I talked about how "everything feels on hold" whilst ttc. We listed things that might be on hold and we are going to do some of those things over the next little while.
I am glad too that the precious vials that made C wasn't wasted this time.
I am hoping for more productive cycles in the future, of course.
*make your own deo: 1/4 c baking soda, 1/4 c cornstarch, 10 drops tea tree oil, 2 TBSP (maybe more) coconut oil - mash it all together - apply in a thin layer with fingers - store in a cool place (I have no idea if it works and am afraid to try it out on a workday... but there you go).