After the birth I felt I'd lost my connection with my body - that intuitive sense that I could give birth naturally. I worried that maybe I never had that sense. I guess because I'd never had the opportunity to give birth according to my plan. But reflecting the other day I realised that I was intuitive - I was connected - I did have that sense. I knew something was up. And that morning, when I realised that my baby wasn't moving, I could feel that something was up. I just knew.
I used to think the only way I'd feel strong/ powerful/ intuitive/ wise is if I gave birth that way. Now I am seeing that the intuition was always there. I gave birth. My baby is alive today because I just knew it wasn't going according to plan, it wasn't going to happen at home and I was going to need some help.