Sunday, October 14, 2007


I am jealous of people who are pregnant right now. Mainly because they are going to go through the birth. And I keep thinking their birth experience will be better than mine. They will get to see their baby come out. They will get to hold their baby right away. I feel jealous like this less and less... and when I re-read it I feel like I need to grieve and move on. My birth experience is holding me back. I worry about how I am mothering my baby because I am so caught up in the birth experience.

I worry about bonding because I did not get to see her until the next day - well over 12 hours after the birth. I worry that because she didn't see me / hear me / feel me that we've not bonded. She didn't see her other mom (her baba) either - until several minutes - maybe 10 or 15 minutes- after the birth. Because she was not doing well, she was not aware her baba was there. Her baba could not hold her. In fact, we both held her for the first time late the next day.

I worry about bonding. And I wonder what exactly bonding feels like. How do you know that you and baby have bonded?

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