Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I Have Felt Better and Other News

32 weeks yesterday. And I have had a headache since yesterday afternoon. It was really bad this a.m. so I took 2 regular strength ty1eno1. It didn't go away. So I paged the midwife - because headache that doesn't go away is on the list of things to page about. So I am going in at 3 to have my blood pressure and urine checked.

And even though I am in an air conditioned house I am very aware that it is hot outside. My feet are swelling a bit, and I am just generally feeling that muggy fatigued feeling.

ETA: BP 120 over 70, no protein in urine... just a headache. Maybe a tension headache.

* * * * *

In other news, I went to therapy yesterday morning. Pre-headache. We talked about many things.

A few nights ago A and I were in bed chit-chatting about the future as we were falling asleep. A said, "Soon it won't be just the two of us anymore." I felt sad. Then I felt guilty for feeling sad. I am happy and excited for the future. I can't wait to meet our baby. I can't wait to be a mom. I love that we are having the opportunity to raise a child together. After 10 years together - 10 years! - I feel like I might miss just the two of us. And I can't see what the future holds - I can only guess. I will miss the way we talk about everything. I will miss the way we know each other. Will we still have that? So I talked about this in therapy. I couldn't believe how much I cried. I felt guilty. I feel guilty.

Therapist said the guilt and the sadness are acceptable - and make sense. She made practical suggestions about date nights and babysitters and time together, etc. She talked about how in our society couples put the kids first and then lose track of each other over the years - feel lonely as a result. She talked about how she deals with couples who are finished raising the kids - and they struggle because they are strangers to each other when the kids move out, or they have affairs because someone else is paying attention to them.

One thing that she said that really stands out now: "It is important to continue to nurture the relationship you two have with each other, as it will contribute deeply to your success as parents and your child's overall well-being."

Makes sense. We came together because of love. We wanted to make a family because of our love. Our baby is made from our love. So let's keep that love alive.

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