Wednesday, September 16, 2009

She is doing it better than me on so many levels.

My co-worker is pregnant. Like 2 weeks ahead of me. Her first baby. She is a decade younger than me. Went off the pill and bam! got pregnant. So this evening was Meet the Teacher night. It is a BBQ type event in our school's courtyard. Very lovely. They were serving hot dogs and I was starving and dealing with my normal evening sickness. I walked up to her with the hot dog and she kept repeating "no no no" over and over. I said, "What? You are not having a hot dog?" She nods. "Because of the nitrates?" I ask. She nods again. I kind of knew it when she started saying "no no no." I feel all guilty now. I don't make it a habit to eat stuff with nitrates (even when I am not pregnant) or any of the other forbidden pregnancy foods. I am about to google to see about nitrates in pregnancy. I know they're bad. Now I am all worried. And I hate feeling judged. And I hate the I'm doing pregnancy better than you feeling (that I sometimes feel anyway around people who conceive naturally without drugs and donor sperm - like somehow I am less-than). Normally I am confident and chill and generally proud of the way my family has come to be. But sometimes. This evening. I hate admitting it. If you know what I am talking about take a minute to let me know that I am not alone.


Jude said...

Honey, you just have the benefit of this being "not your first kid." And honestly, moderation is key. I was SO scared about everything last time around, SO terrified to have a drop of artificial sweetener or chemical or whatever... and still ended up with a loss and a dramatic pregnancy, yet some of my clients have totally "normal" pregnancy eating all kinds of crap. It's all a dance we do. You do what you can.

I am so excited that you are pregnant!!

Jen said...

yeah, what jude said...moderation is the key. i was so so so fastidious about consumption when i was pg too and i know next time, i'll be more relaxed. plus, you know comparisons get you nowhere. :)