Sunday, August 3, 2008
Revelation on Attachment
The days are just sort of slipping by. In a good way, I suppose. I had some tough days with C and her naps... and then it got easy. She has been a bit clingy and for the first time choosing one of us over the other. [She is choosing me]. I had a strange revelation about that - and the revelation had to do with my own mother and my own attachment to her. See, my mom said to me when I told her that C has been choosing me over A, "well you have to nip that in the bud. She has to learn to go to either parent..." I love my mom. I have done a lot of therapy around my mom issues. I realised that C's attachment to me is not something I need to nip. Right now C feels she needs me, needs to express her need for me, something. She doesn't need me slipping away and distancing myself and forcing her to go to A. The revelation: my mom distanced herself when I tried to attach. And this is why I have spent many years feeling not exactly attached to her, somehow distanced from her, and really unable to pinpoint the feeling. This is why attachment to my mom - or connection with my mom - is something I've had to work on. More and more I get my mom - I know some of her history with her own parents - I've seen the ways in which they interact (or used to when her parents were alive) - so yeah I get it. But C coming to me and preferring me is what C needs to do. We need to attach. There will be days too when she chooses A over me. A is cool in all of this and really gets it. I suppose A is part of the reason I had the revelation in the first place. So there you go. I am learning things.