I breastfed in public today for the first time. Well I wasn't in public per se. We were in the "Nursing Room" at the mall.
Skipped the PPD support group again this week. 3 weeks in a row... or is it 4?
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Then I found myself triggered a bit by a post in a blog of a couple w/new baby. They were talking about the challenges of breastfeeding, that their baby is doing well with it for the most part and they proudly pointed out that she isn't using a pacifier.
Not sure what triggered me.
I guess maybe it's because, we had such a hard time breastfeeding because our baby was in NICU for 5 days being fed at first through a tube in her nose and later bottles (of my pumped milk). NICU nurses gave her a pacifier.
We brought her home and continued to bottle feed her my expressed milk for several days before our midwife could hook us up with the best lactation consultant ever.
We did turn around her nipple confusion - but it was a challenge. At one point I was going to give up and just go to formula.
For one, pumping was a pain in my ass. And ultimately my supply suffered. So then I had to take fenugreek and blessed thistle. Which worked.
And now she breastfeeds - every now and then we have issues - normal stuff. For example, when she is tired and hungry she has the hardest time staying latched on and gets real frustrated. We pause a lot and I talk to her to calm her down. It breaks my heart to see her crying at my boob.
She still uses a pacifier.
But wow! No one really tells you how hard breastfeeding can be. Or painful. In the early days my nipples hurt when she latched on. And then I would feel like I was doing it wrong or something. I think the challenges are minimised so that new moms don't give up. Or something.
I am glad we stuck with it. I have these moments - especially during the early morning feedings - where I look down at her latched on - just sucking away - and I feel so much love.