Safe in my Arms

We had 4 month shots yesterday. C cried. But not as bad as the 2 month shots. I got to hold her during the shots this time. Maybe that helped. She was much easier to console this time.

I have to admit, I pay attention to how long it takes for her to be consoled by me. I am almost embarrassed to admit that. The reason I do this is because I want her to feel safe with me. Partner A says she has no reason to not feel safe - I know this is true. However, I sometimes think (worry) that because of her difficult birth and her not seeing me for 12+ hours after she was born that she doesn't find comfort in my arms. That we didn't bond.

I am learning that bonding is an on-going process (not just in the 2 minutes after the birth). And in my heart (which is the best place for this kind of thing) I know we've bonded. She does feel safe in my arms.

I used to think that I would've given anything to re-do the birth... given anything so that I could've been there to welcome her into the world, to see her in those minutes that followed the birth. I am quietly accepting that things went the way they did.