The First Trimester Ends When...?

I am 14 weeks today. Does that mean I am through the first trimester? Or is that next week...? Or was it last week...?

I know I need to eat.

I'm hungry. But I have no appetite. And I am slightly nauseous.

Went away with this weekend. Met up with some internet friends and their daughter - who is 2 months older than C. Had lots of fun. Just enjoyed the time away. Easy easy weekend. Apart from the 7 or so hour drive there and back.

Alive and Kicking

There is a live baby in there. 13 weeks 1 day. Heart beating. Fantastic little legs kicking. Everything looked good. I am going to sleep tonight. Thank you all for the supportive comments.

More Later

I've hardly slept. I go for the ultrasound this morning - 8:45. I have to go into work to drop lesson plans off. I also have to go back to work in the afternoon for a meeting and to teach my period 4 seniors. I am hoping for good news. Of course, the tech probably won't be able to tell me anything, so I'll have to wait for the midwife to call.

I am so thankful to have positive messages from you all in my e-mail box this a.m. It means a lot. And I am hoping that Hanen is right - that it is just too early to hear.

More later.

Good news later.

The Latest

I am 13 weeks today. The heartbeat could not be found with the doppler. I go in tomorrow morning for an ultrasound. Of course I am freaking out.

Just Be

So I finally put up a pregnancy ticker. I have been so cautious the last few months and I still have a hard time believing that it worked on the 2nd cycle/1st IUI. Even though there is a ticker I still have a hard time believing. I know a lot can happen in 40 weeks of pregnancy. It took 3 years to make baby #1. And I have a hard time believing that I could be so lucky. At the same time I've started to realise that while I am enjoying this pregnancy, I'm kind of not because I am waiting for the shoe to drop (or whatever that saying is). I really want to let that feeling go. I want to give in and just be pregnant. Because for now I am.

The loving just gets sweeter and sweeter.

Thank you wise women who commented on my last post. Ultimately what I am learning is that it is not good to compare. It is not a competition. It is what it is.

In other news, some kind friends came by and helped us get the last several boxes out of storage. Now all we have to do is unpack unpack unpack. Moving is hard work.

Also we had our 4 year wedding anniversary yesterday. Legally married for 4 years - go us. Together for a total of 12, 10 of those years in Canada. Crazy to think about. What a journey. We have changed so much individually and as a couple in those 12 years. We get closer and closer. The loving just gets sweeter and sweeter.

Now I have to go do some dishes - we are having dishawasher issues - and once my dishes are done I can veg out in front of the TV for a bit, yay!

Happy weekend everyone!

She is doing it better than me on so many levels.

My co-worker is pregnant. Like 2 weeks ahead of me. Her first baby. She is a decade younger than me. Went off the pill and bam! got pregnant. So this evening was Meet the Teacher night. It is a BBQ type event in our school's courtyard. Very lovely. They were serving hot dogs and I was starving and dealing with my normal evening sickness. I walked up to her with the hot dog and she kept repeating "no no no" over and over. I said, "What? You are not having a hot dog?" She nods. "Because of the nitrates?" I ask. She nods again. I kind of knew it when she started saying "no no no." I feel all guilty now. I don't make it a habit to eat stuff with nitrates (even when I am not pregnant) or any of the other forbidden pregnancy foods. I am about to google to see about nitrates in pregnancy. I know they're bad. Now I am all worried. And I hate feeling judged. And I hate the I'm doing pregnancy better than you feeling (that I sometimes feel anyway around people who conceive naturally without drugs and donor sperm - like somehow I am less-than). Normally I am confident and chill and generally proud of the way my family has come to be. But sometimes. This evening. I hate admitting it. If you know what I am talking about take a minute to let me know that I am not alone.

I am at that point.

I am at that point where I need a bit of proof once again. I need to hear a heart beat, I need to see an ultrasound image, something. Pregnancy, at this point, is sometimes abstract. Yes I am still dealing with daily nausea and fatigue and weight gain and so on. But I have an active imagination as to what is going on in there or what has happened or might happened. I see the midwife next Tuesday - I am so eager to get that ball rolling. I need proof.

Hot Water

A took C to the fancy city pool today in the community centre behind our neighbourhood. They were in the pool for almost an hour. Apparently it was warm. The woman at the welcome desk told A that the pool is "hot" so when C got in the water she said it was "hot" and started blowing on the water to cool it down. Haha. So yeah they were there for almost an hour and C loved it. We've taken her to pools before and mostly she can't wait to get out, but not today. And it is all she's talked about this evening.

I love my mom/ uh huh/ my mom is cool...

My parents came over today for a little birthday cake for C's birthday. They live in the States about 2 1/2 hours away. I wish we could see them more often. My mom is going through chemotherapy and really kicking cancer's butt. It is great to see how good she is looking. She says she is feeling pretty good too. Some days are better than others.

When they come out to visit - or we go visit them - I am just reminded of how far apart we are physically. Both of us, myself and A, have no family here in Canada. And it is hard sometimes. I am envious sometimes of women who have their moms so close by. Especially after C was born. I just wanted my mom around. My parents are day trip people - they don't come and stay - and sometimes I wish they would come and stay.

After C was born A felt similarly - she wanted her mom around too. I wonder what that is... new motherhood and that wanting mom feeling. Oh well.

Anyway this is me tonight. Also feeling a bit nauseous and have no appetite.

11 weeks 1 day

I went back to work this week. I've spent the last few weeks packing and moving and not really trying on my clothes. It turns out that while I am not showing, I am getting thicker... to the point where getting dressed in the morning is ridiculous. I need to go shopping this weekend. Some of my clothes are quite uncomfortable as the day goes on. I keep going for the stretchy pullover type stuff and so I feel kind of under dressed for my job. Plus it is so hot in the building still that I have to go with the shorter sleeved type stuff - it'd be nice if I could just wear a cardie over a t-shirt and kind of hide what is going on in my hips/bum region. But layering is out of the question - today was 29 degrees... I'm on the second floor and there is no a/c. Anyway, it sounds like I am complaining, I'm not. I wouldn't trade this for anything. And people don't notice it like I notice it. You know?

So yeah, 11 weeks and 1 day... I see the midwife in less than 2 weeks. I am very eager to get that ball rolling. Still not convinced that I am pregnant some days and would like to see/hear what is going on in there, you know? The nausea and heartburn and hunger is not convincing enough. hahaha!

Two!

My little baby C turned 2 today. We ask her, "how old are you?" And she answers, "two!"

Two years ago today... wow!

Sunflowers in September

The community garden near our new house is full of sunflowers. C and I took a walk there the other afternoon.

Update

I now have a midwife - Marie - and I meet with her on 9/22.