Feeling a bit better.

It is what it is/ It will be what it will be

In kind of a worried/nagative space. This is all too abstract at the moment and surreal and I am still shocked. I can hardly say what I am feeling out of fear. That is all for now.

Tent

We made a tent today. We tied a sheet to wall shelves on either side of our bed. Our bed happens to be a mattress on the floor, at the moment, so it is low. C loved it. She would leave and come back with various toys. She'd bounce around singing songs. She'd lay back and say "tent" in a happy voice. It was the thing she talked about as she fell asleep tonight.

Easy Saturday

Little C is 23 months old today. She will be 2 in a month. 2 !

It is amazing how her vocabulary exploded in England... and how she is stringing together all kinds of words into phrases and sentences. She is a smarty pants, that one.

It rained pretty much all day here. We had the windows open and enjoyed the sound. C played with nearly every toy and read many books and coloured and climbed all over me. It was an easy day.

All is well.

Picnic at the Park

Little C is napping right now! She naps maybe once per week lately. She is growing out of the nap. It is delightful when she naps. I have been able to get some things done.

We went to the park today. On the way we stopped at the local bakery/deli type place and bought fruit and little veggie pizzas. I told C that we were going to have a picnic in the park. We sat on our big rainbow blanket in the shade (oh it was lovely). We ate, we played, we ate some more.

She jumped up and down on the sidewalk by our blanket shouting "Pin-Nik! Pin-Nik!" She'd play for a bit and then she'd look over to our blanket and say, "Pin-Nik." And when we left the park and she was all tucked into our little red wagon she said in the saddest little voice, "Pin-Nik."

I have a feeling that this whole picnic thing made her open to the possibility of an afternoon nap.

So there you go.

Traveling with a Toddler

C did fairly well on the plane to England. 8 hour flight. It was an overnight flight and it took off at her bedtime. We bought a seat for her so we had a row of 3. We lifted the arm rests and she slept between us. She slept 4 hours total. Not exactly a full night. But she didn't cry or fuss. She was just overstimulated checking everything out.

We were over London kind of circling in the air because our flight was delayed and we had to queue in the sky before we could land. She threw up at this point. And again as we were stepping off the plane. I was covered. Passport Control and Customs took pity and ushered us through quickly. We changed once we got to baggage and all was well in the world. Poor little biscuit.

We had a 3 hour car ride to Seaton (Partner A's hometown). Little C slept.

More later, she is awake for the day!

Trust

This is the part where pregnancy seems so abstract.

In the afternoons/evenings I feel some nausea - as far as symptoms go that is about it.

I get worried when the nausea is less than it was yesterday. You would think that after 1 successful pregnancy I would have forgotten the miscarriage. But I haven't forgotten it. It seems to be my default in these early stages. I pay attention to this twinge or that twinge. Every time I wipe, I look. This morning I didn't wake up hungry like I have the past few days and suddenly that was a sign!

We go in on the 14th to see the heartbeat and that the bean is where it should be.

The clinic didn't order a second beta because the first one is "good." They didn't order a second one when I was pregnant with C. They did however when I miscarried - and that beta doubled like it should have. Oh well. It is what it is. It will be what it will be.