She is nearly 9 months.

E is 8 months, nearly 9 months. Yesterday for the first time she pushed herself up to sitting. She has been mobile for a few weeks - not exactly crawling, but scooting and pulling herself around.

She is pulling up - or trying to. In the past few days she has brought several things down - like a bin of toys - and she's knocked a few things over as well. She looks for me and howls when stuff comes down.

She has 4 teeth. She is smiley and joyful. Still turns her head to one side when she is smiling at someone she likes/loves.

Eating fingers foods more and more - even though the whole food thing is a slow process.

It's as though she has always been a part of our family. And I can and can't remember life before her. And the past 8 1/2 - 9 months have flown by. I have vividly colourful memory snippets here and there, but the days weeks months are a blur.

New Sibling Blues

We seem to be going through a phase 2 of new sibling rivalry. Baby E smiles at strangers with her 3 teeth and gets a reaction - and C is finding this hard. Baby E is sitting and moving around a bit more too - and this is also hard for C. We are working on it.

Overheard

C sees E this morning and is overheard saying, "You look much more bigger E, I think you are growing in your sleep."

Friday at the Library

Early literacy.

"Gay" is not Worthless, Stupid, or Dumb

Inspired somewhat by this post:
http://aqueerfamilygrowsinredneckville.blogspot.com/2010/10/getting-better-and-wearing-purple.html
I organised a rally (with 2 other friends) this past weekend against homophobic bullying, to support LGBTQ youth, and to honour those who felt suicide was their only option.







In the midst of it all, Baby E became a 7 month old with her very first tooth.

Good Book

Finished Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.

Getting Her Ready for the Snow

Me: We need to get you some snow pants.
C: And some snow dresses and snow skirts.

I can do it.

I am enjoying C's helpfulness and independence. These traits are certainly the nice part about having a 3 year old around. She likes doing jobs and favours. She's been finding jobs to do all on her own too - which is sweet.

Half Birthday

1/2 birthday for Baby E today. I am baffled as to where the time went. I know people say time flies. But really where did the time go?

With C the first six months didn't go this fast. I think because she was the first and I was so anxious and depressed and it was winter - she was born in September. It was just her and I spent a lot of time with her sleeping on me, because I could.

I want to freeze certain moments. And when I start to see in my mind the moments that I want to freeze my heart just breaks because those moments are going going gone. She is not my teeny tiny newborn anymore.

She is so curious and she loves watching her big sister. She laughs out loud many times each day when she sees her sister. She is happy.

Today she was a big teething mess. Sleeping more than usual and fussing lots when awake. Poor biscuit. But no actual teeth yet.

Anyway, Happy 1/2 Birthday dear dear E.

Workers Love Each Other

A few lots down from our house a house is being built. The construction workers were sitting on the porch together having a coffee break this morning as we were going out. C sees them and says, "Aw the workers love each other Mama look at them eating together." Very cute on a lot of levels.

Little Blue Birds

Started with this onesie:


Ended up with this:


Actually, 3 of them:

Could you go without TV?

Starting in one month we will be TV free. I should clarify. There will be a TV in the house and we can watch dvds and whatnot on it. We won't have cable.

Financially, cable TV is expensive for what you actually get. We don't watch it much during the day. After babies are in bed we watch, but there tends to be little on that is worthwhile. We will save at least $85 per month going cable free. That money will automatically go into a savings account designated for vacations.

I am curious to see if I can do this and what actually I will fill my time with.

A full night of sleep.

I was up so many times in the night with E it wasn't funny. Teeth maybe. Or growth spurt, because she ate like she was starving each time. And some of the wake ups were less than an hour apart.

I accomplished a lot this morning because I felt like if I didn't get going I'd crash. I can't crash when I am taking care of a 3 year old and a 5 1/2 month old. Crashing is not an option.

We were in the library parking lot and a woman told me she had 4 under 5 at one point and that her oldest is 20... and she hasn't had a full night of sleep in 20 years. Made me feel better, not. Hahaha.

Birthday Girl

C turns 3 today.

I said, "Happy Birthday C!" She replied with, "Happy Birthday, Mama!"

When she said that, I laughed at first and then I remembered her difficult birth and her first few days. 3 years ago today, at this very moment, it was all starting.

Happy birthday, indeed.

Off the Charts

At E's 4 month appointment the doctor noticed that her head is measuring off the charts. It has been big from the start. She was sent to a spcialist who ordered an ultrasound on her head to check for fluid. Specialist says she looks amazing and isn't worried, but thinks we ought to take advantage of her soft spot, which makes an ultrasound possible. In my gut, I am not worried... I come from a long line of big headed folk. And the donor reports he has a large head. The spcialist measured my head and I am in the 90th percentile, apparently.

Oh yeah and head ultrasound is scheduled for October.

Monsters

C is less than a month from her 3rd birthday. She moved to a big girl bed last month (yes, we took our time with this transition - considering major new sibling transition she experienced in March). She totally stays in her bed. She seems to like her bed. But... she is now going through a monsters phase. As in, there are monsters in my closet or under my bed or outside my room. She even came up with a strategy for dealing with monsters; apparently if she blows raspberries at them then they go away. She is also sleeping with a small camping flashlight. I am actually finding some of this worrying - I feel for her and it is hard to see her not feel safe in her own space. This is normal (her monster phase), right?

File it under: Her Amazing Imagination.

Happy Pride!

Our friend held this sign. I am too sleep deprived and busy to create signs. But there you go. It was a happy day.

Big Noggin Babe

E's 4 month well baby appointment. She is 13 lbs 13 oz and 26 ins. Her head is off the charts, apparently, so we are being referred to a specialist. Meeting milestones. Smiling, laughing, cooing, blowing raspberries. Even objected today when her big sister took a toy away from her.

Today is a good day for fairy wings.

"I should probably wear my fairy wings today," said C when I went in to get her this morning.

She Likes Being Little

C told me today that she doesn't want to go on the big potty because she is still little and likes being little.

End of story.

Just Getting it Out There Feels like Step 1

I am having some serious body image issues. I seem to remember this from the first time. I hate this part of the post partum stage. I am hungry - very hungry - most likely from nursing. I crave sugar. I don't have time to make incredibly nutritious stuff - beyond what I make for C, which isn't bad, but for whatever reason doesn't hit the spot. And once I get C in bed and I am on my own with E, I eat. I eat in a way that borders on emotional eating and zoning out type eating. I eat like a very tired person. Then I feel frumpy and slow and even more tired. I get down on myself. This is actually worse than when I had C.

Alternate Use for a Car Seat

Another thing that has changed since baby#2's arrival: bed time. It used to be a fairly smooth routine. Now it is lengthy and silly. Time wasting and excuses. I just breathe and go with the flow. Most nights I am on my own doing the bed time routine. E sits in her car seat, in C's room, while I chase C, change her, dress her, brush her teeth, read stories, etc. Mostly this works.

Random Recapping of the Last 12 or so Weeks

We are still here. I post daily over in my LiveJournal - friends locked. Even if it is just a few sentences.

Life with 2 babies seems to be going okay. It has it ups and downs. It is an adjustment. Much like life with one baby was.

Very sleep deprived. Baby E got 7 hours straight of sleep, once. Usually she goes 4 hours.

Nursing is going well. Thankfully. Because it isn't easy. I'd forgotten what newborn nursing is like! And when people tell you it's natural the implication is that it is easy. It isn't easy at first. It isn't hard either, once things get going.

C is adjusting. Mostly it has been good fun watching her become a big sister. The adjusting has been hard. On those hard days she has been known to smack E on the head, pull on her feet/hands, scream when she is sleeping, etc. We stretch to find the balance, giving C extra time and attention. Definitely include her in the day to day. It is getting easier.

E smiles and coos and enjoys tummy time (C hated tummy time at this age). E sucks her thumb (C had a paci).

E is also a colicky baby. No official diagnosis. She just has periods of crying that require a lot of energy on our parts to calm her, and sometimes she can't be calmed. This too shall pass. It seems to be getting better. Almost like 2 days on 3 days off. Although I sometimes think her days overstimulate her - what with a 2 1/2 year old running around (screaming when she finally falls asleep). I am noticing a bit of a pattern.

C is talking up a storm. She is also becoming this helpful little person. Helping with laundry folding and diaper changes, etc.

We also found a weekly playgroup for C to go to. Within walking of our house. Monday mornings. She is making friends and it is fun to watch. This playgroup ends in a week for the summer and starts back up in September.

C has no interest in potty learning. We aren't pushing anything. Though we have a little potty sitting in the bathroom. We also bought underpants lined with hemp velour. We are not sure whether to just start the whole process or let her go for it when she is ready. I mean we have told her what the potty is for, what the pants are for, etc. so she knows. She just doesn't care.

C is also excited about Nanny and Grandad's visit (from England) starting next Wednesday for 3 weeks. She saw them last summer. She talks to them on the phone. She is happy they are coming. We are happy too.

My mom came out to help in the early post-partum days. We made some good memories. I loved having her here. She is good people.

Sometimes I am in survival mode. Like when I am on my own (as I am most evenings when partner A goes to work). Survival mode sometimes mean more TV than I'd like, or spontaneous trips to the park (Quick! she is asleep and her belly is full! let's go!), dinner later than (and sometimes earlier than) normal, laundry piling up and dishes undone, C left to make a mess at the table while I (10 steps away) sit nursing E, picking my battles with C and not sweating the small stuff, etc. Sometimes I feel momma-guilt about the survival mode and most of the time I just tell myself that it is what it is - and everyone is safe and loved.

11pm last night, I was starving. I walk around the kitchen. I look over at the dinner table and see my dinner plate. Untouched. E was crying at dinner. C ate while I bounced E. And I never went back for dinner. Hahaha! This gives you an idea.

Now, if you read this far - thanks. If you still check in with this blog, say "Hi." Let me know you are out there. Cheers.

Happy Earth Day

In honour of Earth Day baby E is now fitting into her cloth diapers. She is also officially one month old. I have a post swirling in my head about her birth and her first month. She is stirring at the moment so I think I will stop and let the post swirl some more.

She is here!

E. E. is here! 03/22/2010. Gorgeous and lovely. 8lbs, 4 oz, 20 inches long. Transverse to delivery. C-section. Big sister C is over the moon thrilled. Her hardest time was the days we were in hospital. She is happy now everyone is home. Story to follow.

Thanks.

Thanks for the supportive comments around the potential c-section issue.

No Judgement

If I end up having a c-section, I want no judgement.

I want to know that I tried. I did my research. I assembled my pro-VBAC support team.

I don't want to be so post-partumly sad and disappointed because of the birth like I was with C. It isn't worth it to me. I want to enjoy those early days with baby as best I can.

I want to be proud that I made a choice that worked for me, my body, my family, my baby.

I have no idea what is going to happen... or when, at this point.

I do know that baby will be here soon.

Why is it that for some women this is no big deal and other women will beat themselves up over this?

All about today and a VBAC that might not be.

C saw the cardiologist today. Doctor thought she heard a heart murmur and her 2 year check-uo and referred her. Cardiologist heard/saw nothing but a healthy heart. She had an ultrasound (which was cool) and then declared, "I have a baby in my belly wike you mama."

Then I saw the midwife who palpated my uterus and declared her hunch that the baby is once again breech.

Finally the ultrasound ordered by the OB to check size of baby. Baby is big. Baby is breech, actually transverse, once again. I am 38-ish weeks... the VBAC idea is not looking to good at this point.

But... if I do elect to have a c-section it will be so very different from the c-section I had to have, emergency style, with C. So I wrap my head around it all at the moment and feel pretty calm.

20 Days

OMG 20 days according to my ticker over there.

Midwives yesterday. All is well. GBS negative. BP good. Baby's heart rate 145 bpm.

Two and a Half Years

C is exactly 2 1/2 years old today.

To VBAC or Not to VBAC

Doula e-mailed me to find out how OB consult went.

Told her I am ranging from "F*** yeah I will have a VBAC" to "Holy S*** just schedule the f***ing c-section."

She suggested we meet to discuss/review/revise the birth plan.

I don't want to be talked into or out of any choice I might have around this.

I told her I am going to sit with my options for now. So, no, to meeting. For now.

In other news, Partner A is off all weekend and gets home from work in a few hours. Little C is having quiet time - like a nap but without the sleep (although sometimes she will sleep). I am going to have a quick little nap now. The sunshine is amazing today.

OB Consult Part 2

OB consult today.

I am at a point where I am willing to schedule a c-section for my due date.

The baby is big. We know this. Because I went into this pregnancy hoping for VBAC I am being assessed accordingly. OB is not opposed to VBAC. But does have concerns around baby's size and a successful VBAC. He will see me again in 2 weeks, by which time I will have had another growth ultrasound.

I have not been transfered to his care. I am still under the care of the midwifery. Let me say, here and now, the hospital/OB setting is so very different compared to the midwifery experience. Let me say, here and now, I prefer the midwifery model.

In the hospital today I was nothing more than a body. I was asked about my level of education, my marital status, whether I was taking a prenatal class, etc. Does any of this matter. Also, the nurse (not the OB) commented on my weight - how much I've gained. Midwife has never said anything about my weight. I felt as though everyone believed I had no freakin' clue about my body. It was weird. But whatever... I will hug my midwife when I see her next, hahaa.

So yeah that said I'm all like let's just schedule the c-section.

OB Consult

My midwife wants me to consult with an OB regarding the big baby situation. So tomorrow I have an appointment with an OB. Not sure what to expect. I'm worried that either I am going to find out something is up with the baby health-wise (though my midwife would have told me if this were the case) or that the OB is going to be like: "I must c-section the baby out."

If I have to have another c-section, fine. I mean, I know what it's like - been there, done that. Recovery was rough. Still hurt after 12 weeks from time to time. Even though the incision healed nicely, I had issues. Not a fan of the pain medication, but found it necessary to take in the early days because I was so sore. And now I am imagining recovery from a c-section with a 2 1/2 year old and the various sets of stairs in our house.

I am a good VBAC candidate - so I have been told. And I'd like the opportunity to attempt a VBAC. My midwife and doula are on board and believe it is a possibility.

For me, a big baby is not a reason to have a c-section. This is just me, other people might feel other wise and I am way cool with that.

But what I have learned in the last few years is that ultimately giving birth is pretty unpredictable. It is best to be prepared for whatever happens. So who knows - only time will tell.

I'll post something following the OB consult. Cheers.

Comfort Measures

My ticker says 30 more days!

We went to see the doula again yesterday. This time to learn about 'comfort measures,' all the things that may help me feel more comfortable in labour. I really feel like I learned something. I left with a birth ball and a special aromatherapy mix to start using in early labour.

I go from being calm about the whole prospect of labour to nervousness. I remember the first time and I can't get my head around the notion that it can and probably will be different.

Anyway, I like the doula. She seems like she knows a lot and she just has a calming way about her.

Flakey Doula vs. New Doula

We have a new doula. The original doula had an impossible schedule and wouldn't call when she said she would. I met her through our midwifery. She basically couldn't make it to the birth if it took place the weekend after my due date. But I got the impression she didn't know how to just say no to us. Even after she said she couldn't make it, and was having a hard time finding a back-up doula who could, she said, "I'll call you [insert whatever day/time here] and we will meet anyway and start going over your birth plan." Okay, fine. But she never called.

Then one Saturday afternoon, I received an e-mail from this local shop that sells crunchy mama and baby stuff about their grand opening for their new location. I went. They have doulas on staff. Doulas were there at the grand opening. I started talking with one. Found out that my due date, 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after, were open for her. Found out that she was okay with 2 mama families. Made a date for A and I to meet with her the next Saturday (which was yesterday).

And now we have a doula. I could do a whole post on our first meeting, and I will.

Birth Stories

I read peoples' birth stories. I am amazed sometimes. So many of the times. And I wonder if I have the strength to go through that. First baby was a c-section. I did go into labour. Made it to 3cm before the water broke and we saw meconium and had to get her out. Those first 3 centimetres were not easy. This baby is head down. Midwife has been saying all along I am a good candidate for VBAC. But I wonder - can I do it? Can I do it?

Here is what I know so far...

Baby is head down.

Baby is head down.

This is all I know really. That and the baby is measuring big - how big, not sure, tech couldn't say.

But the head down thing is a relief. So I am going to hang with that for awhile.

Will keep you posted:

My hospital ultrasound to check out all this large head business is on Tuesday at 9:40am.

Here is the scoop.

The midwife called today with the results from the ultrasound last week. Yes, baby is big. In fact, 3 weeks ahead. Baby's head is like 5 or so weeks ahead. She is sending me to a hospital ultrasound - apparently more accurate, etc.

Just so you know, I am at that point in the pregnancy where I want to see/meet the baby so that I know everything is okay, you know? So to get this piece of news is just nerve wracking.

Midwife said, "We tend to be more concerned when the baby is measuring smaller - head especially." I asked if this could indicate a bigger issue. She said, "If it did indicate a bigger issue we probably would have seen other markers up to this point on previous ultrasounds." Her belief is that baby simply has a big head. She also felt less concerned because baby is measuring big overall... would be more concerned if body was measuring behind, but it isn't.

I talked to my mama. She said not to worry. She pointed out that she gave birth to 3 big headed babies. It's true. I have a big head. She said, "That's just how we are..."

In other news, baby has been moving a lot lately... and I believe is no longer transverse (head to one side, feet to the other). Now I believe the head is below my ribs and feet are standing on my bladder. So, breech. I do feel good though that baby is still moving - there is still room.

Midwife recently delievered a breech baby at home and would do it again... she has found an OB who will do a version as well - some won't do them on women with previous c-sections.

Tomorrow we are taking C to the pool. It'll be nice to get in the water for a bit.

33 Weeks

Saw the midwife today.

She won't move the due date. We know when conception took place. Size isn't a reason to move the due date.

Today baby is not transverse. Head is up top, feet down low.

I am measuring 39 weeks.

Gained no weight since last appointment.

A wee bit dehydrated. But water turns my stomach. Must find something else to drink.

I go back on the 22nd of February. I meet midwife #2.

Transverse Lie

Baby is in a transverse lie position according to ultrasound today. Head on my right below my ribs and feet to the left near my hip bone. Because of baby's size, ultrasound tech suggested that the due date be moved to the 4th of March instead of the 30th of March. Can you do that when you know when conception took place. Many babies move in the last weeks. Now I am wondering if due to size this baby can't move. I will talk with my midwife on Monday.

Saw the Midwife Today

Okay so baby is most likely not head down and possibly in a breech position. i have an ultrasound scheduled for the 5th to confirm. I am only 31 weeks and a day. It is possible - in fact, highly probable - that the baby will turn.

Also midwife wanted to talk birth plan today - and we did, a bit. But honestly I had a hardcore birth plan with C and none of it happened. So I am reluctant to plan.

I have a doula - 2 doulas actually. Only one will attend the birth but they work like a back up team - if one is not available the day of the birth then the other one comes. Both meet with us leading up to the birth. Doula #1 is very experienced and has worked with couples who had a difficult birth prior. Doula #2 is experienced as well and is in women's studies at the University and has a queer sister who gave birth 2 weeks ago.

Okay so back to the breech thing: of course my mind has already gone to the land of possible c-sections. I'd like to avoid another c-section. And up to this point I was considered a good VBAC candidate (and I suppose I still am).

The other thing that is stressing me out: I was g00gling and found out that some breech babies have neurological problems, hip dysplasia, down syndrome, etc.

Other notes from today's appointment:

• My BP is good
• Baby's heart rate = 146 bpm
• I've lost track of how much weight I've gained
• And I think that is all

Broccoli Kick

C is on a major broccoli kick right now.

And I am feeling pretty good for almost 31 weeks pregnant.

Kick Count

Today I felt significantly less movement. Even had orange juice and did a kick count on my prep. Counted no kicks. Called the midwifery. Went in after work. Found the heartbeat. Many kicks since. Way less worried. Baby is just getting bigger, running out of room. I am glad they could see me right away though. And happy that the baby is moving around lots now.

I am 30 weeks today.

29 Week Update

Um, 29 weeks pregnant today. When did that happen?

Found out last week that my iron is low, so I am supplementing. I had to do this when I was pregnant with C. So I kind of expected it.

I don't know about the GD. When the midwife called she said that she didn't have the test in front of her and that she probably filed it, and if that was the case then it came back negative for GD. But that she'd call if she's wrong. I am assuming - since I haven't heard from her - that the sugar thing is all good.

Still measuring a few weeks ahead.

Don't know the gender. C who up to this point when asked, "Is the baby a boy or a girl?" Would repeat "boy or a girl" or say the last gender mentioned, "girl," announced yesterday that the baby is a boy. "What should we name him?" "Buddha," she says. Hhhhmmm.

I do it by myself.

Tough morning. C is feeling independent these days. I opened the lid on her yogurt and she cried because she wanted to do it her self. Everytime she looked at the yogurt she cried and yelled about wanting to "do it by myself, Mama!" I tried to get the yogurt out of her line of sight, but that wasn't okay either. For awhile she didn't want to eat it - or anything else. There were a few other instances of this today. It can be unpredictable. It breaks my heart too. I find if I give her chances to help out with anything and everything she is happier.