Boom boom boom

Nothing like hearing the heartbeat (160bpm!) to make everything all right.

Back in PPD-Land

I saw my midwife a month ago - I see her next week. She talked briefly about how pregnancy #2 could trigger unresolved stuff around the labour/delivery in #1. I am so not articulate tonight. But basically a door has been opened, so to speak. I am anxious about going through labour. I am scared of C-section #2 and NICU and all the other stuff that happened when C was born. The midwife said that a lot of women work through it/ heal/ etc. only to find that things come up at the simple prospect of having to birth another baby. And that if those things stay unresolved then they come with them to the delivery and stop them from being present. I was telling my mom this and she said, "yes yes yes, the midwife is right on." I am even afraid of more PPD. So much so that I feel like I am feeling it all over again. One of the reasons I have been so missing in action w/blogging is because this is hard shit to talk about. And that guilt/shame I felt when I was in PPD-land is back, making me all quiet. I haven't been sleeping well either. I feel like I am ready to start dealing, I just don't know where/how to start. I suppose writing it here is step 1.

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In other news, I believe I am feeling the baby kick these days. What is funny/odd is that I remember the full hard kicks of later in pregnancy not these little fluttery things. So I keep mistaking it for gas or something, and then I go, wait that isn't gas that's the wee bub.

We Day and Thanksgiving

I watched the We Day stuff yesterday and just felt so proud of this generation that is coming up right now. I loved seeing the Dalai Lama speak as well. I found myself filled with joy. 30,000 kids! I mean, wow.

Thanksgiving today. We had the turkey and the stuffing and the cranberries and the pumpkin pie. I am feeling full. And then had a bout of my usual evening nausea.

I am thankful for so much. I am especially thankful for the wee one taking up space in my womb and hopefully growing healthy and strong.

Almost 15 Weeks

Time is just ticking along.