Here we are!

We are moved out and moved in. Boxes everywhere. C is adjusting well. She kind of hugged the wall yesterday and said, "New house," with a sigh. She's cute. Partner A did so much to make the move happen this weekend. We also had some friends come by and help. I am tired. Feeling a wee bit sick. Drinking a big glass of yummy milk. All is well.

On the Move

In a few minutes I will have no internet access until Saturday/ Sunday. We are moving.

9 Weeks Today

I am 9 weeks today.

Physically: Plenty of nausea starting at about mid-day; appetite not great; exhausted with insomnia.

Emotionally: In the last week I have had tears over commercials on TV, a local Harley Owner's Group raising funds for the children's hospital(!), a kid who saved some puppies on El.len. Also anxious about moving this weekend and going back to work next week.

What else is going on? I am on a waiting list for a midwife at the midwifery we used for C. I am pretty sure C is teething.

How my life has changed.

Little C is napping today! Yay!

And I am power lesson planning right now. It is amazing how much I have gotten done in 1.5 hours. Back in the day, before baby, I would spend days planning what I've been able to plan today. I know that I have to take advantage of the time I have. Take advantage I am.

Can I get an amen?

I don't know if I can articulate this accurately... but it is true that all the mental shit that goes along with ttc does not go away once pregnancy is achieved.

Insomnia is such a lonely word.

Dear Universe, a full night of sleep please. Thanks, Universe. Love, Me.


The thing that is bugging me the most lately is the fact that I am suffering from insomnia. Which is unusual in the 1st trimester... am I right? I am soooo exhausted, but cannot get my brain to shut off so that I can sleep. At 3am I am thinking about our move on the 28th - we are moving to a new house - I am thinking about the various little things that need to be done before then. I am making lists in my head. I am also thinking about work stuff: lesson plans (I write them in my head at 4am) and meetings and ordering supplies (more list making), etc. (I go back to work on the 2nd). At this point I am over-tired and this is why I can't seem to shut off my brain. That and it is hard to take a moment to think of this stuff during the day when I have an active little toddler underfoot (who pretty much no longer naps). Oh well.

In other news, active little toddler called me by my first name in the store the other day. I was totally caught off guard and had to laugh, before I corrected her.

Oh yeah and I went to my family dotor today to get a bloodwork requisition for my thyroid. I have hypothyroidism and in my last pregnancy my thyroid went wacky and we didn't really discover it until the 3rd trimester. This pregnancy I am determined to stay on top of it.

That's all for now.

Little Bean

There is a little bean measuring 7 weeks 6 days with a heartbeat and everything all where it needs to be.

40 Days

Tomorrow - less than 24 hours away - we go for our 40 day ultrasound. This will make things a bit less abstract I am sure. More tomorrow.

Feeling a bit better.

It is what it is/ It will be what it will be

In kind of a worried/nagative space. This is all too abstract at the moment and surreal and I am still shocked. I can hardly say what I am feeling out of fear. That is all for now.

Tent

We made a tent today. We tied a sheet to wall shelves on either side of our bed. Our bed happens to be a mattress on the floor, at the moment, so it is low. C loved it. She would leave and come back with various toys. She'd bounce around singing songs. She'd lay back and say "tent" in a happy voice. It was the thing she talked about as she fell asleep tonight.

Easy Saturday

Little C is 23 months old today. She will be 2 in a month. 2 !

It is amazing how her vocabulary exploded in England... and how she is stringing together all kinds of words into phrases and sentences. She is a smarty pants, that one.

It rained pretty much all day here. We had the windows open and enjoyed the sound. C played with nearly every toy and read many books and coloured and climbed all over me. It was an easy day.

All is well.

Picnic at the Park

Little C is napping right now! She naps maybe once per week lately. She is growing out of the nap. It is delightful when she naps. I have been able to get some things done.

We went to the park today. On the way we stopped at the local bakery/deli type place and bought fruit and little veggie pizzas. I told C that we were going to have a picnic in the park. We sat on our big rainbow blanket in the shade (oh it was lovely). We ate, we played, we ate some more.

She jumped up and down on the sidewalk by our blanket shouting "Pin-Nik! Pin-Nik!" She'd play for a bit and then she'd look over to our blanket and say, "Pin-Nik." And when we left the park and she was all tucked into our little red wagon she said in the saddest little voice, "Pin-Nik."

I have a feeling that this whole picnic thing made her open to the possibility of an afternoon nap.

So there you go.

Traveling with a Toddler

C did fairly well on the plane to England. 8 hour flight. It was an overnight flight and it took off at her bedtime. We bought a seat for her so we had a row of 3. We lifted the arm rests and she slept between us. She slept 4 hours total. Not exactly a full night. But she didn't cry or fuss. She was just overstimulated checking everything out.

We were over London kind of circling in the air because our flight was delayed and we had to queue in the sky before we could land. She threw up at this point. And again as we were stepping off the plane. I was covered. Passport Control and Customs took pity and ushered us through quickly. We changed once we got to baggage and all was well in the world. Poor little biscuit.

We had a 3 hour car ride to Seaton (Partner A's hometown). Little C slept.

More later, she is awake for the day!

Trust

This is the part where pregnancy seems so abstract.

In the afternoons/evenings I feel some nausea - as far as symptoms go that is about it.

I get worried when the nausea is less than it was yesterday. You would think that after 1 successful pregnancy I would have forgotten the miscarriage. But I haven't forgotten it. It seems to be my default in these early stages. I pay attention to this twinge or that twinge. Every time I wipe, I look. This morning I didn't wake up hungry like I have the past few days and suddenly that was a sign!

We go in on the 14th to see the heartbeat and that the bean is where it should be.

The clinic didn't order a second beta because the first one is "good." They didn't order a second one when I was pregnant with C. They did however when I miscarried - and that beta doubled like it should have. Oh well. It is what it is. It will be what it will be.