Still in teh game.

The 1.3 is now a 1.5. My E2 is 240 and my LH is 4. I am going in for bloodwork and ultrasound again tomorrow.

Not Cancelled

So, CD10, right? My E2 is 170, LH 3. One dominant follicle at 1.3. They are not increasing my dose. I inject tonight and again tomorrow. Ultrasound and bloodwork on Tuesday. I cannpt help but compare this try to the tries in which I got pregnant. Probably not productive to compare.

One more thing.

One more thing. When I got pregnant with C in 2006 my CD13 E2 was 732 and they only saw one follicle. I am obsessing right now. Just in case anyone cares. I know my E2 is low. I should just call the clinic and cancel the cycle myself.

Updated: The time I got pregnant and early miscarried in 2006, my E2 at CD 12 was 742.

I went back through my LJ and found these numbers... and then I read about my early miscarriage - that was sad and sucky.

TTC is hard.

I am feeling kind of lonely/ sad/ bummed/ confused tonight. It is hard sometimes when A is at work and I am on my own (and obsessing) with my old LJ and g00gle and whatnot.

I know my cycle day now.

Well. CD 8. And my E2 is only 140. I inject again tonight and tomorrow night and go in for bloodwork and ultrasound on Sunday. E2 is looking quite low for CD8. (Lower than the CD8 last cycle). So I am preparing myself for a cancelled cycle.

Also Little C is sick with a cold and she is not really into sleeping or eating. Fever last night, no fever today. Just cranky cranky and awake awake. Poor biscuit.

I have lost track of the days...

Bloodwork tomorrow to see if the Men.opur is working. Honestly I have no idea. I've been injecting since Sunday (?) The first night on it I found myself quite nauseaus for most of the night and had to go to bed early. The following nights I was fine. I don't know if the nausea was related to the Meno.pur. And really nausea is not a sign that it is working anyway. I am curious to see what my bloodwork shows.

What CD am I on? Because I have totally lost track... which in a way is a good sign that I am not getting all wrapped up. It is good to lose track of the days. As long as I don't miss my bloodwork tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the last day of school for summer. I am often reflective on last days - but I am not feeling it this year. Maybe I will tomorrow... I don't know.

In other news, C has a runny nose. This after her first class at The Li.ttle Gym on Wednesday- which was delightful. She was delightful to watch. We had so much fun. She had so much fun.

That's all.

Junkie

Still injecting.

Wanting and Having

CD 1 today. Bloodwork tomorrow. Men.opur injections all week with bloodwork next Friday.

I don't know if I want to blog about it all. I feel so I don't know.

I must say this: I really want to baby #2. I have no idea if it will happen or not. Whether it happens or not and how I respond to whether it happens or not, I want it known that I want baby #2. I am full of hope and full of fear. I am afraid to want and am not comfortable even saying it out loud.

The things we do.

Yesterday I learned how to shoot up men.opur.

Drug Update

News from RE is that I will be able to try next cycle and instead of pur.egon I will shoot up men.opur.

Old Ovaries

Wednesday I was walking along with C who was pushing her doll baby in a doll baby stroller. I felt this huge wave of love. I felt content and whole and grateful. I decided then and there that whether we have baby #2 or not doesn't matter. I smiled at the sunshine and my almost 21 month old and everything around us.

Thursday I call the clinic to see what the doctor had to say about the cancelled cycle. The clinic actually advised me to make this phone call Monday (which was the Monday that followed the Friday on which the cycle was cancelled). It took me until Thursday to actually feel like making the call. The doctor hadn't been able to look at my chart and I will likely from someone early next week (okay fine). Then I made the mistake of talking with the nurse about the cycle and the bloodwork and dropping estradiol, etc etc etc. She told me she thought my "ovaries are old." Exact words.

Thursday night I was spinning and googling "old ovaries." The Wednesday zen space just kind of vanished.

I am spinning way less today. But "old ovaries"?! Who says that?!